


The First Girl I Loved

by AirbendernamedJay (autisticmockingjay)



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Angst, Azula redemtion, F/F, Letter, Post-Canon, Sort Of, love letter, she's realised some things, tyzula - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-21
Updated: 2021-01-21
Packaged: 2021-03-13 03:21:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,085
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28896546
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/autisticmockingjay/pseuds/AirbendernamedJay
Summary: Azula writes a letter to Ty Lee from the confines of her cell. She tells her of all the things she's come to realise since she lost everything. Written for the Loveletterchallenge on avatar amino back in 2019.
Relationships: Azula/Ty Lee (Avatar)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 41





	The First Girl I Loved

This is a letter to the first girl I loved.

Perhaps I should clarify that you were also the only girl I loved.

You will be the only person I write to and this will be the only letter I write. I’m writing it on a scrap of paper with charcoal I made myself from the broken chair they never took away on one of the rare occasions my chi was free. Hardly fitting for the princess I used to be but it will have to do. They won’t let me have proper writing implements, they’re too afraid I’ll hurt myself or them.

I’m coming realise I was wrong about a lot of things. About my Nation, about my father. But most of all about you. About how I felt about you. I've been doing a lot of thinking lately, there's little else to do. I used to stay awake long into the night thinking about you even before I ended up in this place. Now I find you in my thoughts almost constantly. No matter what you’ve always seemed to haunt both my dreams and my waking thoughts.

I didn’t know what it was about you. I thought I must hate you. Why else would you make my heart race and skin feel hot? Clearly this was from irritation at that light titter of your laugh and your dopey smile. How wrong I was. You made me believe there was more to life than war and fire and perhaps more to me than a monster born into a cold dark world.

It was your eyes that always held me captive. They’d look at me with warmth and things I could barely understand. Sometimes I think you never once feared me, despite how hard I tried to make it so. When you were around it sometimes felt like you were the bender and I was just a flame. That scared me more than I care to recall. I wonder if you knew how much power you held over me.

I wonder if you remember all the times you thoughtlessly grabbed my hand. I remember. Those moments are burned into my memory I doubt even death could erase them. I always wondered why I never pulled away, why I liked it so much.

When you left it felt like the world was closing in around me. I felt alone for the first time in a long while. Did you know I had everything pink in the palace burned? The colour reminded me of you too much and I couldn’t bear it. There was this one servant who always wore a pink hairband, you remember her I’m sure. You always complimented it when we passed her in the halls. I burned it before she even had a chance to take it off, she screamed but she was fine once the flames were put out of course. I never saw her again.

When I saw you again for the first time in so long you took my breath away. I wasn’t about to let you leave me again. I didn’t want to keep going without you, I couldn’t keep going without you. I needed you. So I may have gone too far in convincing you to join me. I’m sorry for that.

I’m sorry for a lot of things. Many I’ll never get the chance to apologise for. But most of all I’m sorry for the way I treated you. You didn’t deserve that. I know that now. Your betrayal hurt more than anything, it was worse than when you left. I didn’t understand at first but now I think I do, I cannot blame you for it. Not anymore.

It’s funny, I’m apologising in a letter I have no intention of sending. I’m sure you’d rather I didn’t. I see you less often now, it’s usually the other Earth warriors that come to chi block me and make sure I’m still alive. Even if I wanted you to read this I’m sure they would have no interest in delivering it to you. They’d likely have more interest in reading it and seeing for themselves just how unnatural and disgusting the broken fire princess is. Pining after a girl that doesn’t even want to look at her.

I can’t help it. My thoughts always seems to drift to places I don’t want them too and quite often that has been you.

Do you remember Ember Island? The boy, I barely remember his name, was it Chin? Chan? I kissed him you know. It wasn’t a pleasant experience but later that night when Mai and Zuko had gone to bed do you remember that night I wonder?

The room lit only by a scattering of embers, your hand in mine. I don’t know who had initiated that. It could have been either of us. You were looking out the window towards the sea. I couldn’t look anywhere else but your face. You’d never looked so beautiful than in that moment. Then you turned to me to say something and I had just leaned forwards and kissed you. I wonder if you think about that night as much as I do. The kiss we shared, however brief felt like nothing else on this world. That’s when I knew for sure I couldn’t be with anyone else but you.

I’m sure you have your own life now. Maybe you’ve finally ended up with one of those many boys that were always fawning over you. I’m not going to pretend that thought doesn’t make me feel sick. I suppose some of the feelings I had for you have never left. At this point I doubt they ever will.

I guess I should just write it, even if you will never read it. It’s probably better if don't ever see these words written by me. I’m sure it would make you sick to your stomach and I’ll lose all chance of seeing your face ever again, but if I don't write them then they'll play in my head over and over without pause.

Ty Lee. I love you.

I can hear movement outside my cell. I should destroy this letter before it’s discovered. But perhaps I won’t, not yet anyway. Perhaps I’ll keep it hidden just for now at least, until I can get these thoughts from my head completely. But if I wait for that moment, I know it will be a long time.

~~Love~~

~~Wishing I was Yours~~

Sincerely

~~Princess~~

Azula


End file.
